Being a homo in a small town in Vermont is not a whole lot different than being a homo in Los Angeles and I guess that's good because I could be stuck somewhere east or west of both places where loving your own sex culminates in symbolizing that “glorified perv” or “Having a Gay Agenda” image that the evangelists peddle to their flocks. Sometimes that crap drifts across The Connecticut River from New Hampshire but generally Vermonters don't care two licks
I'm lucky. I live in a rural state and this rural state was the first state to pass a civil union act so we lesbians, gays, transgender and bisexuals can live like “normal” people do and not like the subcultural underground freaks we were 40 years ago when the whole gay movement started. Sinfully delicious I remember those days but those days are over. The AIDS epidemic of the 80's and the slow and steady homogenization of gays into the mainstream in the past 20 years has put that wild time to rest. Someone once said, nothing is as good as it used to be but everything's just a little better, time moves on. And careful what you wish for.
I know a guy here in Brattleboro, a straight boy but he so wants to have gay sex. I think it's funny. Most straight guys avoid the whole gay sex issue when they find out they have a gay friend. Suddenly you hear all this stuff about woman’s genitalia, their romps with women and that reaffirmation that they are straight. Can't say that I blame them, we men are by nature horn dogs. That's both straight and gay and it's not that they are homophobic, they just don't want to be in that uncomfortable place of having homosexuality as an option. But my friend is the opposite. He wants to do it. And what's funny is that he is heterosexual and no matter how much he tries he just can't...oh how can I say it...just can't get it up? But he says that gays are much easier to be around, less competitive, not afraid to reach out and be loving. That's not the first time I have heard that from straight men who make platonic friendships with gay guys. But I am not sure the gay guys really are looking at it as purely platonic. I mean I'm always real nice to young good looking men, I reach out, etc,etc.
But something about all this sounds like a generalization, I mean there are obnoxious gay men (should see me after a few drinks) but it does sounds a whole lot better from straight guys than I hate fags! It has been my experience through the years though that most heterosexuals who are comfortable with their own sexuality have no issues with being around and befriending other gay men (Platonic we're talking now ie; amor Plotinicus) and the way gay men relate to other men can be a refreshing experience in case you have ever found yourself in the company of alpha males and caught in some testosterone driven pissing match. So lots of straight men are finding that gay men can be alright to be around and that we will not lift their shirt and tallywhack their loins at the first possible chance. That is unless they want it.
Unless some god or some interpretation of god is saying otherwise. And this God does say otherwise unfortunately even if it is written by man. God says otherwise in many forms and many religions. But what is the question here? Just what is God telling his/her followers about love and sex amongst ones own sex?
I was raised in the Methodist Church. I was having gay sex at an early age with other boys in neighborhood. It was something we never talked about but I feared a judgmental god and I was very confused. With the other kids I was doing this unmentionable stuff and I was doing it with the Catholic boys around the corner and although I never really gave it much thought I did think it was alright because they were Catholics and not one of us. (that's another story) But I was young and puberty had not yet occurred but for a prepubescent young boy I was going at it with the boys from Holy Cross with quite a bit of vigor. What I didn't understand after these episodes was why these boys who engaged me so affectionately would suddenly turn on me and chase me home with very nasty epitaphs coming out of their mouths. It was two faced. It is a dilemma that still to this day confounds me.
I enjoyed it though. And it was not till I was older that I was able to identify it. I don't think I really had a name for it. Then when I was 14 I was singing in the choir at the church. By now I knew the difference between hetero and homosexual sex and I was trying like hell to go the former. But the choir director had other designs. He was a religious man. I had known him many years, before my voice dropped and I grew hair in places that I never had hair. I don't know how old he was. Much older than I but at 14 twenty-something was pretty old. He was probably in his mid twenties and showing an interest in me. He seemed to like me, I thought he was kind of interesting, he was good looking and I was a horny kid.
He wanted to talk to me about the love of Jesus one spring evening after choir practice. We talked about Jesus and then I got my first proper BJ from someone who really knew how to do it after praying to Jesus for guidance and then the Lords prayer. After I got off he started to cry and apologized to me, telling me he couldn't help himself and then he wanted to pray for guidance again and wanted me to get on my knees but by then I was too traumatized myself from all the tears and repentance for I felt like we had done something horrid and sure that I was going to go to hell and burn there if my parents didn't find out first and speed up the process. And there was no way I was going to get on my knees with this guy.
After that night I had little patience or respect for the choir or Jesus! It had been brewing in my mind for quite some. The idea that anyone who didn't take Jesus as redeemer would go to hell, we were talking about 80% of the world here. And all this talk about sin and meanwhile there was this war raging in Southeast Asia and what we were praying for...something was wrong. I did however let him do it to me a couple of times after. He was very good at it. And he seemed to like my equipment too. But the hypocrisy! Even at fourteen I could see it and could never bring myself to pray again. Not like I could before, you could say that was the beginning of my adulthood
Thinking back on it there is a mixture of comedy and tragedy. But this is all nothing new. With the uncovering of all the priests in the Catholic church with all the boys...no wonder all those boys from Holy Cross knew what they were doing...it's barely shocking. And yet the Vatican continues to condemn homosexuality which to me is the institutionalization of homophobia, condoning violence towards our brothers and sisters and bringing nothing short of disinheritance, ostracism by friends and family and all the pain and suffering that goes with it.
We, lesbians and gays are the most hated people in the world. I cannot think of any other group of men and women who make up a measurable population around the globe who are less feared and despised. I wish I could candy coat the whole thing but I cannot. When I hear expressions like 'that's so gay' or someone decides to insult someone by calling them a faggot. Then I listen to the right wing factions in this country and their anti-gay stances on same sex marriage or The gay agenda. And it occurs to me suddenly and not without some anger that we are the last human being's still legal to hunt.
It's all over the world too. In many countries it's the death penalty. Some countries allow only women to be gay, some countries legalize it but the culture is so homophobic that it's worth your life to be out about it. Anyone who has traveled through Mexico can attest to that. I don't think I have ever seen a more bisexual nation as Mexico. A gay man can have a blast there but you best not make a public statement about it or you can get into a lot of trouble with the heavily Catholic folk there. It's denial! It's the same all over the world.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_by_country_or_territory
In my next installment I want to try and explore world religions and why practically all world religions condemns homosexuality and what we gay and lesbians can do to protect ourselves from it and how we can, as a force, a sizable population around the globe, bring change in the way we are viewed.
In closing I want to quote Bill Maher on a talk show who quipped; I have lived in West Hollywood and I know what The Gay Agenda is...It's Starbucks at 8, the gym at 9, the tanning salon at 10.
Thank you for reading this.
